LXD = XL Danger

I know how the LXD recruits its members. But first, dear reader, a little housekeeping.

The hacks at the local news have picked up on my frog meat cafeteria story. Unfortunately, those half-wits have dropped the ball. Calling my reporting “questionable” and claiming that my style is “fraught with delusional paranoia,” those propaganda-merchants at Channel 10 ran their own report on our cafeteria. In that fanciful feat of frog fiction, they claimed that the meat in question was chicken, which is “often mistaken for various exotic meats.” Were this a piece of straight reporting it would be dead wrong. But given what this ace journalist has uncovered about the LXD, the frog fiction is clearly an obvious attempt by those acting in concert with this league of extraordinary dancers to discredit me. But what these propagandists fail to realize is that I won’t be stopped and the truth will come out.

Here is the unvarnished truth those who claim to be in the “news” business don’t want you to know.

First, the LXD. recruits only those who have mastered one specific dance style. Obviously, this is indicative of a highly evolved, possibly dangerous, dance conspiracy that has a deep well of specialists for any eventuality.

Second, potential recruits draw the attention of the LXD by posting dance videos online. Judging from the sheer number of dance videos online, it’s fair to say that anyone—your friends, your neighbors, even you—could be in the LXD.

Third, and this is pure conjecture at this point, the LXD values style and ingenuity above all else. Members seem to make ample use of their environment, incorporating everyday items into their dance routine. Obviously, this means that the LXD is capable of striking anywhere, anytime.

Fourth, recruitment is on the LXD’s terms alone. Extraordinary seems to be the key word here. Only the elite are chosen, thus confirming the hunch that we’re obviously dealing with a super-human dance force.

If you have been recruited by the L.X.D., and you’re brave enough to help shed light on the truth, contact this fearless reporter at ColeWaters.com.

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